Tuesday, August 9, 2011

skeletons from my closet.



I have this guilt I've been carrying around for quite a while now. Guilt that I wished I never had. Damn if only I can turn back time.


Aku ada seorang kawan. Agak baru kenal jugak laa. Tapi kerana kemesraan masing-masing, kami jadi agak rapat dlm masa yang singkat. Diantara yang lain, aku paling senang dgn dia. Macam2 masalah dan rahsia aku dia tahu. Aku bukan lah orang yang nak ceritakan rahsia melainkan orang tu aku percaya. And this girl, even we're new, but I trust her. I'm a gemini, so yeah I'm a faithful friend. I love her. I always miss her, miss the good times we had. She's like my second ear, other than my other bffs. But there is something that I think she deserves to know. Something I did once upon a time ago. Something that if she knows about it, she'll be devastated ! And I might lose her. I might lose our friendship. That is something I couldn't risk.


But secrets don't hide long. I know one day, she'll finds out. And I really want it to be from me. But I just don't have the guts to tell her. Even the thing that I did was before I met her, still, she'll never look at me the same again. Ohh how can I tell her ? I can't find the right words or the right way to tell ! Serious I feel so fucked up right now ! It was a mistake that I didn't even realised I did it. And now I have to live with that guilt. Damn it I hate this feeling.


Dear friend, I really love you and I appreciate the things we hve. I hope one day, if you find out about this, I really hope you won't hate me. It's ancient history and it was even before I met you. I'm really sorry girl. I really am.




Kalau korang jadi aku, korang akan bagitau tak apa bnd teruk yg korang dh buat kat kawan korang ? Even bnd tu jadi sebelum korang kenal pun lagi ?





ngeng.

i'm better off alone.


Bila benda-benda mcm ni berlaku, buat aku lagi teringat kat Apa. Maybe memang semua berpunca dari aku. Betul cakap umi. Takde laki yg nak kan perempuan yg kasar and garang. Sayang macam mana pun dia kat aku, tapi dgn perangai aku yg tk macam perempuan ni, siapa boleh tahan ? Aku penat lah nak go through a break up.


I really can't. Seriously.



I thought I didn't love you that much. I only knew I was wrong when we broke up.


Damn it.





ngeng.