Immortal.

If loving you is a sin, I shall not repent.
Why regret if it's beautiful ?
If it's beautiful, then why do these tears inside shed outside ?
I'm a fighter.
I will fight though it's not my game.
I will fight until the last shame.
But it will all be in vain,
If you don't feel the same.
But, no, oh don't you worry.
I will not raise the white flag.
I will always rise back.

But, even the strongest heart knows that "forever" is just a hope.
A false one. 
Yes, a false hope.




ngeng.

Dissapointed.

I fucking hate liars. Nobody is different. 
I trusted you, I really do.
You're just another face I thought I knew.
Thank you.


ngeng.

never again.

I'm tired, he's tired, we both are. Never again.




Would have given up my life for you. Guess it's true what they say about love, it's blind. Boy, you lied straight to my face, looking in my eyes. And I believed you cause I loved you more than life. And all you had to do was apologized. You didn't say you're sorry. I don't understand. You don't care that you hurt me, and now I'm half the woman that I used to be when it was you and me. You didn't love me enough. My heart may never mend, and you'll never get to love me again.


Sadness has me at the end of the line. Helpless watched you break this heart of mine. And, loneliness only wants you back here with me. Common sense knows that you're not good enough for me. AND ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS APOLOGIZE AND MEAN IT. 


Never again. You and me, never again.

ngeng.

From Twitter to "will you be mine"

It's been a while since I last set foot on my blog. I guess blogging is no more my interest. I used to blog all day with more than 7 posts a day. Then came along Facebook. Every single day posting up status and uploading photos. Until recently, I moved my social network addiction to Twitter where you can go berserk or posting up anything you want every single minute. I'm not sure what's gonna come after Twitter. All I'm saying, Twitter too shall pass. It's just a matter of time.


Evenso, there are people who are not pleased with it. And it has caused a lot more destruction than it should. It is so frustrating that such network can give a big impact to my life. It's not like I'm a social network freak. I still prioritise what should be prioritised. Still, a little distraction can caused so much annoyance to some people.


Yes, if you're guessing that I'm referring to my bf, then you are right. He's not fond with the attention I get from Twitter, and the new friends I'm making. He claims that I'm an attention seeker. Maybe yes, maybe no. After all, every girl loves a bit of attention don't they ? But I don't blame him though. I know he's actually jealous. And that shows how much he loves me. He's not the type of guy who will say "i love you" all single fucking time like I do. But you can see that he actually do love me. Just in a way that I'm not really fond of. Still, the fact that he loves me, make me understand all of his childish attitude. We first met because of Twitter too after all. I understand his paranaoia. But he should really know by now, not even my first love can take me away from him. Only Allah's will can.


Truth to be told, we are on the rocks now. But both of us are trying so hard to make it happen. A friend once told me that a Virgo can never click with a Gemini. I don't know wether I should rely on that. I'm afraid that if I do, I'll be "khurafat"... But it seems like, what he said might be 30% true, wallahualam.


I love him. I'll never stop trying to make things right. If God says we are meant to be, then we are meant to be. Amin, insyaAllah. If this too end, I don't know if I can ever love someone else the way I love him. It's hard to love again when everything has been given away, nothing is left. Sometimes I wonder, did I made the right decision when I asked "Will you be mine? " .... But just by looking at his smile and the way I laugh at his stupid jokes, I know I shouldn't have doubt it at first. I don't know about him. He might be feeling a bit sorry for saying "I do"... but not me. Not a single regret til this day.


Yes, it was me who popped the question. It was supposed to be a secret. But it seems like someone would go that far just to hurt me. It's okay, just my luck. Know why I popped the question first ? It was not for the fact that I wasn't sobber that night, no. But because the fact that good things should not wait. And yes bby, you are it.

It's funny how we met through social network too though.

ngeng.

the fool.

Haven’t you heard? About the fool.

He cheats, he kills, he lies.

She screams, she cries, she dies.

But she never leaves.

Never moves an inch.

Wander in the lost souls, faking every smile.

Tears dropping by, never longing for a “goodbye”

She’s an outcast. Neither a stranger nor a guest.

She stays as hope is what is left.

“She’s a fool!” they say.

Haven’t you heard?

She’s the fool, I say.

ngeng.

what's past, is past.

I gave a very long text to Apa a few days ago, apologizing to what I did to him all those years we were together. For all of his pain and tears. Cause it seems to me, even after a year, that karma still lingers around, hunting me down. After me, he is with this girl, Aisha Banjori. And they are still together til today, and that makes them already almost a year. While me, on the other hand, had already been changing bfs for ... I don't know, 6 times ? None is more than 3 to 4 months. I don't know what was wrong with me cause I'm the type of girl who commits wholeheartedly. It's either those guys were jerks, or I was just another crazy drama queen that none can stand. I think both. Hmm.

So I texted Apa, and begged him to forgive me and let it all pass. I just really want to live happily. I am very sorry for what happened between us back then. I was too ego and selfish. Hmm. I guess, he already forgive me cause finally, I'm living the life I dreamed off with Ashore. Yeah still, we have our ups and downs, but heyy, who doesn't ?

Apa, if you're reading this, I just wanna say thank you for forgiving me (if you did) and I'm still very sorry for every pain I've caused you. May you live happily with Aisha. I pray for the best for both of you. And, just so you know, you're still the only one. Thank you.

ngeng.