pelamin anganku musnah,

Today, the man that I used to love, used to die for, used to have my everything got engaged with another girl.

Kalau ikut hati, mati.
Kalau ikut perasaan, binasa.



I used to have everything. I gave my everything just for him. Even the love of my life. But..nothing last forever. I don't know what went wrong, but he ended our relationship. Just like that, heartlessly leaving me without any explaination, any reason. Mati hati aku dibuatnya.


Katanya indah. Barisnya syurga. Tp semuanya cuka. Yang bodohnya aku.


Aku tak pernah menyesal. Hanya satu, aku kesal tinggalkan cinta mati aku. You see, I was so blind back then, I didn't know the diff between love and lust. That stupid lust got me blinded thinking that it was love. Damn.


Sejujurnya, aku tak berdendam. Tapi aku masih terluka. Eventhough we've talked about this and agreed on a one-sided-benefit agreement (that is your side) .... still I can't totally forget about everything yet.. it happened so fast, I didn't have the time to heal.


Hari ni, aku ulang-ulang lagu pelamin anganku musnah by azie... Aku masih teringat ade satu masa tu, we were on the phone... tak ingat cakap pasal ape tapi dia ade tanya.. "kalau angah kawen dgn orang lain mcm mana? " ... aku dgn berguraunye jawab, "phye nyanyi pelamin anganku musnah lah camtu " .... hari ni, kena batang hidung aku. Herm.. sambil type post ni pun, dah ke berapa ratus kali aku ulang lagu tu. Kisah aku dgn dia mmg ngam dgn lagu ni... "masihkah dgn janji mu, apa pun terjadi aku lah pilihanmu, hingga sanggup aku singkir cinta yang lalu...ku angankan pelamin indah utk kita berdua singgah...sayangnya...semua musnah... "



Bawah ni lirik nye..kalau dia ada depan aku, mmg aku akan melalak lagu ni depan dia... Aku bukan frust menonggeng.. tak. Aku just terluka...ditambah pula dgn tiada kata maaf dari dia setelah apa yang berlaku.. lagi buat aku rasa, aku ni hanya boneka koleksi dia. Hmm.. perempuan perempuan, jgn jadi bodoh mcm aku. Mencintai si dia yang berhati palsu.



Apa pun Orang Tua, congratulations.

Masih lagi tidak terlewat

Utk aku ucap tahniah

Di atas kehadirannya

Menggantikan aku

Pastinya oh hidupmu

Akan lebih bermakna

Dan aku usah kau kenang

Walau kita pernah berkasihan

Maafkan diriku ini

Kerna tidak hadirkan diri

Di sewaktu hari persandinganmu

Adakah kau ingin lihat

Air mata ini berguguran

Puaslah hatimu kini

Memainkan perasaanku selama ini

Masihkah dengan janji mu

Apa pun jadi akulah pilihan mu

Hingga sanggup aku singkir cinta yang lalu

Ku angankan pelamin indah untuk kita berdua singgah

Sayangnya semua musnah

Kau buat malam ku jadi gerhana

Dan hidupku tiada maknanya

Hanya bernyawa namun tak bermaya

Terkadang aku merasa menyesal

Kerna telah sehabis daya

Aku cinta dirimu kasih

Akhirnya aku sendiri tersisih.....

ngeng.

dear ex,

I always wonder when will I ever see you again. And how will I react if it happens. Am I ready ? Will I cry infront of you ? Will I bend on my knee and beg you to come back ? I wonder....
It has been almost 6 months since we last met. And that last moment we had, weren't the great one. You were begging and crying, and I was shouting, heartlessly. Damn I regret that. 4months later, it was me who is crying and begging. I wished, I hoped to meet you again to make amends.


God granted one - to meet you again. And I wasn't ready.


I went to stadium Cheras just now to watch the football match between K.L and Negeri Sembilan. I should have known he would be there too...tapi tak sangka akan terserempak. On my way back, I stopped at 7e. I was with my boyfie. He couldn't find a parking so he waited in the car. As I walked into the 7e, my heart stopped beating. Damn... I couldn't believe my eyes... Is this for real ? Or aku yang angau ? No, this is real. It was him... it was... Apa ! He was on his way out to the car....


Badan aku sejuk tetiba. Aku tau muka aku mesti tgh pucat gile..it's like I've seen a ghost ! I had to be sure, so I called out his name.... "Apa ! Apa ! Apa ! " ..he didn't turned at all...masih marah lagi pada aku mungkin.. But I knew it was him. He was wearing the same jeans, the same hair..and his walks... I recognized that the most.. No one in the world walks the way he walks...dgn bontot katik die tu, I was very damn sure it was him... he got in a car full with a bunch of guys yg aku kenal sgt2 and drove away... I just walked into the 7e, lost in words.. still couldnt believe my eyes...



Aku selalu doa pada Tuhan temukan aku dgn Apa utk kali terakhir. Tuhan temukan kami dgn cara ini... even it's not how I had in mind, still aku sgt bersyukur cause after seeing him, I felt nothing. I did not cry at all..no tears. I felt normal. As if mcm hilang satu beban yg sgt berat. My friend said maybe it shows that I'm totally over him.. maybe. All I know is that, even dah terjumpa Apa tadi, aku dah tkde perasaan nak bersama dgn dia kembali... biasanya mesti orang akan ckp, rindu nak bermanja, rindu bau die, rindu nak dgr suara die... but not me. Not this time. Not anymore. Maybe who I have right now is strong enough to make me forget about Apa completely. Who I have right now, might be the best one I'll ever have. So, I'm moving on... Sejujurnya, perasaan aku numb bila nmpk Apa. Happy pun tk, sakit pun tk, sedih pun tk. The feeling is neutral. I thank God for this ! Terasa ringan mcm takde beban lagi yg aku pikul... Mungkin ini petunjuk Tuhan nak suruh aku teruskan hidup dgn aman...mulakan yg baru. I am seriously so happy.



There is this saying that "never make friends with your ex" .... I guess it's true.



Apa, wherever you are right now, It was nice seeing you just now. I hope you're doing great and take care of yourself okay. What we had, I will keep it as memory. Mungkin Tuhan pisahkan kita utk bagi yang lagi baik. Jaga siapa yang kau ada sekarang ni baik-baik. Jangan curang, jangan nakal. And don't worry, I'll do the same. Salam....



dari yg pernah kau sayang,
arbee.

ngeng.