I always wonder when will I ever see you again. And how will I react if it happens. Am I ready ? Will I cry infront of you ? Will I bend on my knee and beg you to come back ? I wonder....
It has been almost 6 months since we last met. And that last moment we had, weren't the great one. You were begging and crying, and I was shouting, heartlessly. Damn I regret that. 4months later, it was me who is crying and begging. I wished, I hoped to meet you again to make amends.
God granted one - to meet you again. And I wasn't ready.
I went to stadium Cheras just now to watch the football match between K.L and Negeri Sembilan. I should have known he would be there too...tapi tak sangka akan terserempak. On my way back, I stopped at 7e. I was with my boyfie. He couldn't find a parking so he waited in the car. As I walked into the 7e, my heart stopped beating. Damn... I couldn't believe my eyes... Is this for real ? Or aku yang angau ? No, this is real. It was him... it was... Apa ! He was on his way out to the car....
Badan aku sejuk tetiba. Aku tau muka aku mesti tgh pucat gile..it's like I've seen a ghost ! I had to be sure, so I called out his name.... "Apa ! Apa ! Apa ! " ..he didn't turned at all...masih marah lagi pada aku mungkin.. But I knew it was him. He was wearing the same jeans, the same hair..and his walks... I recognized that the most.. No one in the world walks the way he walks...dgn bontot katik die tu, I was very damn sure it was him... he got in a car full with a bunch of guys yg aku kenal sgt2 and drove away... I just walked into the 7e, lost in words.. still couldnt believe my eyes...
Aku selalu doa pada Tuhan temukan aku dgn Apa utk kali terakhir. Tuhan temukan kami dgn cara ini... even it's not how I had in mind, still aku sgt bersyukur cause after seeing him, I felt nothing. I did not cry at all..no tears. I felt normal. As if mcm hilang satu beban yg sgt berat. My friend said maybe it shows that I'm totally over him.. maybe. All I know is that, even dah terjumpa Apa tadi, aku dah tkde perasaan nak bersama dgn dia kembali... biasanya mesti orang akan ckp, rindu nak bermanja, rindu bau die, rindu nak dgr suara die... but not me. Not this time. Not anymore. Maybe who I have right now is strong enough to make me forget about Apa completely. Who I have right now, might be the best one I'll ever have. So, I'm moving on... Sejujurnya, perasaan aku numb bila nmpk Apa. Happy pun tk, sakit pun tk, sedih pun tk. The feeling is neutral. I thank God for this ! Terasa ringan mcm takde beban lagi yg aku pikul... Mungkin ini petunjuk Tuhan nak suruh aku teruskan hidup dgn aman...mulakan yg baru. I am seriously so happy.
There is this saying that "never make friends with your ex" .... I guess it's true.
Apa, wherever you are right now, It was nice seeing you just now. I hope you're doing great and take care of yourself okay. What we had, I will keep it as memory. Mungkin Tuhan pisahkan kita utk bagi yang lagi baik. Jaga siapa yang kau ada sekarang ni baik-baik. Jangan curang, jangan nakal. And don't worry, I'll do the same. Salam....
dari yg pernah kau sayang,
arbee.
ngeng.
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