the fool.

Haven’t you heard? About the fool.

He cheats, he kills, he lies.

She screams, she cries, she dies.

But she never leaves.

Never moves an inch.

Wander in the lost souls, faking every smile.

Tears dropping by, never longing for a “goodbye”

She’s an outcast. Neither a stranger nor a guest.

She stays as hope is what is left.

“She’s a fool!” they say.

Haven’t you heard?

She’s the fool, I say.

ngeng.

what's past, is past.

I gave a very long text to Apa a few days ago, apologizing to what I did to him all those years we were together. For all of his pain and tears. Cause it seems to me, even after a year, that karma still lingers around, hunting me down. After me, he is with this girl, Aisha Banjori. And they are still together til today, and that makes them already almost a year. While me, on the other hand, had already been changing bfs for ... I don't know, 6 times ? None is more than 3 to 4 months. I don't know what was wrong with me cause I'm the type of girl who commits wholeheartedly. It's either those guys were jerks, or I was just another crazy drama queen that none can stand. I think both. Hmm.

So I texted Apa, and begged him to forgive me and let it all pass. I just really want to live happily. I am very sorry for what happened between us back then. I was too ego and selfish. Hmm. I guess, he already forgive me cause finally, I'm living the life I dreamed off with Ashore. Yeah still, we have our ups and downs, but heyy, who doesn't ?

Apa, if you're reading this, I just wanna say thank you for forgiving me (if you did) and I'm still very sorry for every pain I've caused you. May you live happily with Aisha. I pray for the best for both of you. And, just so you know, you're still the only one. Thank you.

ngeng.

noob :')

It has been a month since we were official. So i brought him to see my mom just now. We had dinner together with Liniy and Noreen at Johnny's Timesquare. I have never bring anyone to see my family exp Apa and him. Even Angah and Golo has never seen my family, not that they give a shit but still. It might still too early to say this considering that we are still new, but I think he might be the one. Yada yada laugh all you want peeps, I know I changed bf a lot but it has been a while since I had this feeling. The last time anyone has ever loved me this way was Apa. Now that I found someone who can replace him, I will never repeat the same mistake ever again. I will never let him go. And for that, I will be the best of me. Pray for me yeah ? And for us.

I love you baby :')

ngeng.

We Found Love :')

" It's like you're screaming, but no one can hear. You almost feel ashamed, that someone can be that important, that without them, you feel like nothing. No one will ever understand how much it hurts. You feel hopeless, like nothing can save you. And when it's over, and it's gone, you almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back, so that you can have the good. "

- Rihanna, We Found Love

:')

ngeng.

time is cruel.

Remember when you were little, how you and your favourite cousins were always together, doing evrything and going everywhere holding hands along the way ? Yeahh I still remember. And I miss all that. Of how we used to play Barbie dolls, making a doll's house from boxes during fasting month, how Si Gegurl likes to be suap while makan, and how Si Asa got scolded sebab cubit Nora si jiran sebelah sampai menangis. Haha.

Then, as we enter middle high school, how we always talked about boys, gossiping about those gedik girls in school and how much we love Avril Lavigne so much that we know her every single song and how ridiculous we looked trying to dress up like her. Haha. Those were the days....

As time pass by, I can't believe how things can change in a blink of an eye. Now each of us has our own commitments, have our own life and bfs and cliques. All we ever talked about now is how exhausting life can be, juggling with everything - life, money, college, family, friends and boyfriend. Asa is very dissapointed with her life in Kedah, upset with every people who just won't stop judging every single thing she did. Gegurl, well, family problems. And me, of course, love life thingy. Pffft.

It's funny how things change very fast. We used to play barbie dolls together, having catfight on the table and stuffs. Now, we talk about issues on men, bitches, sex, etc. Oh my God I can't believe we've reached that point where we are talking about not-so-adult stuff. Damn I used to nag them about this dirty things, warning diorang jgn mengada nak melebih2 ke apa. Now, all that has changed. Each of us are referring to each other about do's and dont's - if you know what I mean. Haha. Damn, I have to face the fact that my little sisters are not so little anymore..... :')

In 10 years time, we'll be talking about kids and husbands pulak. How smart my son is, how cute Gegurl's daughter is and how adorable Asa's twins are - and how annoying our husbands can be sometimes. Hahaha. Amin.

love you sisters ;)

ngeng.

i'm not done.

"I'm done with you"

"End"

2 simple sentence can end it all. No, you don't get to dump me. I will not leave, not yet. Mark my word baby boy. We are over when I say so.


Psst, haven't you heard ? I'm the psycho bitch in town ;)

ngeng.

skeletons from my closet.

I have this guilt I've been carrying around for quite a while now. Guilt that I wished I never had. Damn if only I can turn back time.


Aku ada seorang kawan. Agak baru kenal jugak laa. Tapi kerana kemesraan masing-masing, kami jadi agak rapat dlm masa yang singkat. Diantara yang lain, aku paling senang dgn dia. Macam2 masalah dan rahsia aku dia tahu. Aku bukan lah orang yang nak ceritakan rahsia melainkan orang tu aku percaya. And this girl, even we're new, but I trust her. I'm a gemini, so yeah I'm a faithful friend. I love her. I always miss her, miss the good times we had. She's like my second ear, other than my other bffs. But there is something that I think she deserves to know. Something I did once upon a time ago. Something that if she knows about it, she'll be devastated ! And I might lose her. I might lose our friendship. That is something I couldn't risk.


But secrets don't hide long. I know one day, she'll finds out. And I really want it to be from me. But I just don't have the guts to tell her. Even the thing that I did was before I met her, still, she'll never look at me the same again. Ohh how can I tell her ? I can't find the right words or the right way to tell ! Serious I feel so fucked up right now ! It was a mistake that I didn't even realised I did it. And now I have to live with that guilt. Damn it I hate this feeling.


Dear friend, I really love you and I appreciate the things we hve. I hope one day, if you find out about this, I really hope you won't hate me. It's ancient history and it was even before I met you. I'm really sorry girl. I really am.




Kalau korang jadi aku, korang akan bagitau tak apa bnd teruk yg korang dh buat kat kawan korang ? Even bnd tu jadi sebelum korang kenal pun lagi ?

ngeng.