Sunday, May 30, 2010

Move, shake, drop ! I know you want me.

Cramp. Satu badan cramp.
Nak tunduk tak boleh.
Pinggang nak patah.
Bahu tak boleh angkat.
Kaki tak boleh jalan.



Takpe. All this is worth it. Spending 3 days with Anese and karaoking with Amal is all worth the pain. And and...I think I just lost 1kg. ;)




ngeng.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Boo, nak yang macam itu.

Aku scroll post-post lama dalam blog Fynn Jamal.


"perlu. kuat."





*hati sebak



Aku menangis baca. Sumpah tak tipu. Berangan kononnya kami ibarat mereka. Macam mana nak kekalkan rasa cinta yang lama sudah dipupuk agar tidak pudar ? Aku kagum tengok mereka berdua hari-hari macam kali pertama jatuh cinta. Aku nak itu. Nak sangat. Bagilah kat aku.


Please ?






ngeng.

Tag from Bilaa.

ow, here's what you're supposed to do, and please do not spoil the fun. Copy and paste this into your blog, delete my answers, type on your answers and tag as many as your friends here in blog to answer this.
okeh, let's check it out guys!

If you're a guy, post this as - My Kind Of Girl.
If you're a girl, post this as - My Kind Of Guy.


Do you need him / her to be good looking?
I wont say "need"..but if he is, than it's a bonus for me.

Smart?
Yes please.

Preferred age?

I have this thing for older guys. But somehow, I'm always stuck with guys with the same age or younger than me.

Preferred height?
Taller than me even when I'm wearing heels.

How about sense of humor?
I like guys who know how to cheer me up without making stupid and irrelevant jokes. And lawak lawak jugak. But when it's time to be serious, please be serious. Not everything in life can be joke around.

How about piercings?
Before kahwin boleh lah, I don't mind. But after kahwin, no way !

Accept you for who you are?
Yes. I mean even if I gain 10 pounds, or ada c-section scars, we would still make love everyday.

Pink hair?
Euw. Sooo a fashion don't !

Mushy or not?
No mushy2 please. But a lil bit of sensitivity won't kill me.

Thin or fat?
Nak yang sador !!!! Hehe.

Black, Brown or White? (skin colour).
Tan ! Kalo white than he'll be fairer than me. Takmo !


Long hair or short hair?
Anything that goes with the face.

Smells good?
I don't know why..but everytime Apa habis main bola, I like the smell of him masa tu. HAHA !

Smoker?
After kahwin, hell no !!

Muscular?
Setakat ada muscle kat tangan and sikit2 six pack sudaa.

Plays piano/bass/acoustic guitar/violin?
I don't care. But as long as he is not in a band. Ohh no.

Sings very good?
I don't care jugak. Asal suka karok !! Hehe

With glasses?
I'm not that particular sangat lah. Tak kesah pun pakai ke tak.

With braces?
OMG !! HELL YES !! I like guys with braces. Sangat mengghairahkan okayyy ??

Shy type?
No. I prefer guys yang senang nak masuk and friendly.

Rebel or good boy / girl
Good boys are boring. But taknak lah yang rebellious sangat.

Active or passive?
Active!!! Duhh.

Singer or dancer?
Dancer lahh. Singer kang dok memekak kat umah pening aku.

Hip hop?

Chill sudaa. Tak payah nak ber "culture" sangat.

Dimples?
Alah tomey nye..... :))

Bookworm?
As long as he's not a geek. Loves to read, okay I;m cool with it. But nerdy2..takmo ahh.

Mr / Mrs Love Letter?

Cool ! Tapi takmo lah yang jiwang tahap cipan.

Playful?
When the time is right.

Flirt?

As long as it is with me ONLY !

Poem writer?
Err....cam payah je dgn orang sastera sangat ni ?

Serious?
When the situation needs to be serious only.


Painter?
Ada talent. Cool !

Religious?
Yes please.

Someone who like to tease people?
In a nice kind of way.

Speaks 10 languages?

HAHA. Kang dia maki hamun aku dalam bhs German ke ape tak dapek aku nak balas balik.

Loyal or Faithful?
What's the diff ? Both lahh then.

Loves children?
Definitely ! Kang jangan tau nak buat anak je tapi jaga anak takmo !




ngeng.

A third party is not needed.

Seseorang tidak akan mampu untuk menyayangi dua orang pada satu masa. Yang pasti salah seorang adalah kenangan atau simpanan. Dan aku, hanyalah si kenangan.



*Tidak mengapa. Aku bahagia asalkan kau bahagia, sahabat.



When you are trap in a love triangle, just leave if you know that you are just bugging in. It is not about winning. It is about letting other people to be happy. Happiness is everywhere. You will find yours when the time comes. I learn this on the second time. I just wish I learned it sooner.





ngeng.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Can't let go.

I was doing some cleaning just now when I saw a can of "Nescafe Ice". It reminded me of you.
Why it has to be this way?




She's right. This is going to be akward.


And knowing me, I don't handle akwardness very well.





ngeng.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Tupai lompat tak tinggi sangat.

Aku dah cakap. Tuhan Maha Adil. Hidup ni hukum karma. Kau begar sangat taknak dengar kan ? Pikir kau sahaja yang betul. Guna nama Tuhan untuk lakonan palsu kau supaya masyarakat rasa memang betul kau dianiaya. Sudahlah kau drama queen !


Kau kata kau benar, Tuhan akan tunjuk pembalasan pada si tertuduh. Kau kata kau benar, kau ada Tuhan disisi kau. Kau kata kau benar, kami ni semua hipokrit. Habis kami ni takde agama ? Takde Tuhan ? Kau silap. Kau dah main-main guna nama Tuhan, tengok apa jadi pada kau sekarang ? Tak habis-habis musibah yang menimpa kau. Kau caci aku. Kau fitnah keluarga aku. Kau busukkan nama baik kami. Tapi kau masih kata kau suci tak buat salah apa-apa. Wahhh kau ! Apa kau ingat kau Nabi ????


Sekarang, semua taik yang kau dah buat pada keluarga aku dan aku dah berbalas balik pada kau. Malah, lagi teruk. Dan aku yakin, segala yang menimpa kau kini, segala tuduhan yang kau hadapi, semuanya benar. Aku kenal sangat kau macam mana. Permainan kotor kau semua dalam poket aku. Perangai gampang kau kini sudah diketahui orang ramai.


Dulu kau suruh orang tulis fitnah di shoutbox aku. Atau mungkin kau sendiri punya angkara ? Sekarang, kau kena balik. Cuma yang beza, kau bukan difitnah. Dulu kau caci maki hina keluarga aku. Sekarang, keluarga kau kena balik. Dulu kau mati matian hendak menjatuhkan aku. Sekarang, kau sendiri yang terjatuh. Dan aku bangga mengatakan, semua yang terjadi pada kau, sikit pun usulnya bukan dari kami.


Ya betul cakap kau. Tuhan akan balas pada siapa yang menipu dan memfitnah. Kau !



Aku tidak berdendam. Aku tidak sejijik kau untuk berkelakuan begitu. Meskipun aku tidak melonjak gembira, tapi aku sangat bersyukur pada Tuhan yang Maha Esa. Hak untuk menghukum sememangnya hanya milik Dia. Lakonan palsu kau kini terbongkar sudah. Tapi aku masih punya ihsan. Simpati terhadap apa yang menimpa kau. Kalau boleh ingin membantu. Kerana sebusuk-busuk kau sekalipun, kita dari asal akar yang sama. Aku tak sekeji kau untuk melihat separuh darah daging aku jatuh tenggelam.









ngeng.

Don't ever forget me please.

*ringtone Drama King




W: "Helo Phye. Ni aku nak bagitau. Aku nak pergi UK bulan 8"

P: "Haa? Bulan depan ke tahun depan? "

W: "Bulan 8 lah."

P: "Ouh kau buat apa pergi sana ?"

W: "Aku sambung study kat sana."



* :((

Sambung study ? Herm. Kau nak pergi Wan ? Aku tahu aku patut happy dengar kau nak pergi belajar. Tapi yang sebenarnya, bila aku tanya kau nak buat apa pergi sana, aku sangat mengharapkan kau jawab "nak pergi holiday". Atleast paling lama kau pergi pon maybe dalam seminggu dua. Tapi belajar sana ?? Bila kau nak balik sini lagi ?



Aku tahu even kau kat sini pun, bukan selalu kita jumpa. But the thought of you being thounsands of miles away from me, is not a pleasant feeling. I don't know why, for some reason, I feel so insecured. As if nobody is around anymore to protect me, to back me up, to help me out and most of all, to make me feel good about myself whenever I'm down.


Suara aku okey bila kau inform aku. Memang aku okey. Tapi kau sendiri tahu kan..kalau aku cakap okey...apa sebenarnya aku rasa ? Aku tahu aku patut rasa happy kawan nak pergi menuntut ilmu di tempat orang. Peluang yang bukan hari-hari kita boleh dapat. Aku akan berlagak okey agar kau senang hati pergi.


Not having your bestfriend by your side is the feeling I hate the most. I've gone through it once. I just wish I dont have to go through it twice. :((




ngeng.

Small camera-conscious boy.










Semua gambar ni dia yang suruh aku ambik. He took my phone and give it to me sambil buat gaya amek gambar as a sign suruh aku ambik gambar dia.



Dia dah besar kan ?





ngeng.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Hehey kawen lagi.

Nisadill yang still sebijik macam dulu !



Minah Red K ebaya yang macam tak igt dunia tengah2 tu haa.



Ni tak terkira take yang ke berapa. Haha.



Iklan Colgate. Tapi first time model pakai braces. Huhu.



Antara gambar Dira konon cantik yang berjaya ditangkap.



Control gilerrrrr kat tengah tu !



Dira spoil gambar. Hoho.



Macam banyak gambar Nisa je ni. Haih.






It has been a while since our last meet. Even bangun pagi-pagi dengan period pain pun, aku sanggup gagahkan diri pergi gak kenduri kakak Hehey ni semata-mata nak jumpa korang tau ??? Hehey ajak orang bukan main ramai pulak kan. Dah macam wedding die pulak dah haa. Haha. Anyway, thanks for the invitation. I had so much fun. Can't wait for 0307 reunion !


As you all know perangai budak-budak STF ni mmg galak sikit. Sampai ke atas pelamin pun nak amik gambar padahal ni wedding kakak orang. Tapi aku tak amik banyak gambar sangat sebab Dira dah syok jadi photographer dengan camera berteknologi tinggi dia tuu ! Haha. So kalau nak tengok banyak gambar lagi, sila lah ke facebook Nadhirah Syazwani yea. Tq. Trust me, banyak gambar hodoh dalam tu. Haha.





ngeng.

No more ugly duckling.

I just read Fynn Jamal's blog where she wrote about how she hate herself when she was a kid and how other people kept on teasing and mocking her physical appearance. And that reminded me of myself and some seniors in my high school.



"Badak" ! "Gloria" ! "Miss Ulu" ! "Bontot besar" ! " Hidung penyek" !



Thanks you guys. I really appreciate it. You guys succeed. I hate myself.



....*sigh*.....





A few minutes ago, my daddy picked me up at LRT as I just got back from Hehey's sister's wedding. My neighbour Kipin, who I really think was damn hot, said these exact words to me,



"Hye Ija..Kau nampak cantik hari ni"



And I believed that it was a sincere compliment by looking at his sincere smile.




ngeng.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

I'm done paying your bills.

The shoes on my feet,
I bought it.
The clothes I'm wearing,
I bought it.
The rock I'm rocking,
I bought it.

Cause I depend on me !!



If I wanted the watch you're wearin'
I'll buy it.
The house I live in,
I bought it.
The car I'm driving,
I bought it.


I depend on me !!



All the women who are independent,
throw your hands up at me !
All the honeys who makin money,
throw your hands up at me !
All the mommas who profit dollars,
throw your hands up at me !
All the ladies who truly feel me,
throw your hands up at me !






p/s: Just throw your hands up at me ladies. I feel ya !!!!!





ngeng.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Blocked.

I just dont know what to blog anymore :(



I need inspiration !!!





ngeng.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Manusia palsu.

Aku pernah diumpamakan sebagai gunting dalam lipatan.
Aku pernah dihina, dicaci, dimaki saudara sendiri.
Aku pernah dibuang serta-merta kerana kesilapan yang tidak pernah terniat.


Aku pernah dilabel sebagai pengaruh yang jahat.
Aku pernah ditunding jari atas kesalahan orang lain.
Aku pernah dianggap pemusnah si naif.


Tapi gunting dalam lipatan inilah yang kau cari.
Tapi yang dihina, dicaci, dimaki inilah tempat kau mengadu nasib.
Tapi yang dibuang inilah yang sentiasa ada untuk kau.


Tapi pengaruh yang jahat inilah yang fahami dia.
Tapi yang ditunding jari inilah yang mengasihi dia.
Tapi pemusnah si naif inilah yang bantu dia.





Mana kalian ? Jangan bagi aku alasan yang lapuk. Jijik kini untuk mendengar. Sudah kalian buang aku. Jangan lakukan kesilapan yang sama. Apa kalian sungguh mulia ? Seakan-akan tidak pernah membuat salah hinggakan mahu menghukum dia sebegitu rupa ? Kalian bukan Tuhan. Hak yang ada hanya milik Nya. Kasihan...melihat kalian seperti warak sungguh. Tapi mulut jahat melabel orang sana-sini sebagai pendek akal. Tidak kah terfikir sebenarnya kalian seperti bercakap didepan cermin ? Kalian hanya boneka alam. HAHAHA. Lucu sungguh.





Siapa yang kata semua orang yang nampak alim orang baik ? Tengok mereka sebagai contoh. Hanya luaran yang menjanjikan propaganda.




ngeng.

Ruang cari jodoh.






Haa ni Wan Mohd Khairul Syafiq. Orang panggil dia Wan Ranang. Dulu dia botak. HAHAHAH. Tapi sekarang dah ada rambut. Evenso, aku tak cakap pun dia handsome dah ada rambut. Kenapa aku rela hati mencacatkan blog aku dengan tulis post pasal dia ? Haa sebab dia suruh. KAH KAH KAH. Dia cakap letak gambar orang handsome macam dia akan membuatkan ramai orang nak baca blog aku. Uhhhh..... haa ??



Aku tak paham kenapa dengan mengupload gambar kau akan membuatkan blog aku menjadi sangat interesting untuk dibaca. Walaupun aku bangkang 100 peratus, tapi takpe. Kita tunggu dan lihat. Akan ada tak orang yang cuba nak berkenalan dengan kau. HAHAHA. Tak penuh chatbox aku ni, siap kau.




; ))



ngeng.

Better single than sorry ?

I want to be proud of you. But you never give me any reason why I should be. It's frustrating.






ngeng.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Ghosts from the past.

I just found one of my old friend's profile on Facebook. Farhana Osman or better known as FO. She was one of my bestfriend back in SBU. The thing is... I know I should be excited about adding her into my friends list but then why it took me almost 10 minutes to actually press "enter "?



You see... SBU..or a.k.a Seri Bintang Utara was my former school before STF. I was in SBU for about 7 years until I have to leave for STF on August when I was Form 1. SBU was one of the top school in Malaysia I guess and was damn well-known in K.L..It's like CBN-famous-kind-of-stuff except SBU was the rivalry or so I heard it was. You know...it's like STF vs TKC ?? But the only different between SBU and STF was that...SBU was like...how to say this...was like...Constance in GG !! Yeah, you get it right ? I mean rich kids, queenbees, cool kids, cruel intentions, paris hilton wannabees, cheerleading, hot boyfriends, parties and stuff like that.


And all that is soooo not me !! Well, atleast not anymore ! I mean I had like great friends there but still can't top off those I had in STF. Cause to me..being in SBU was like faking my ownself. I had to be like you know.....fake ! When I actually just want to speak in Malay without having to have the english slangs kononnya I'm not that fluent in my own bahasa ibunda. And I wish I don't have to join the cheerleading just to fit in ! And I just want to go back staright home instead of hanging out with a bunch of St John and V.I boys at McD Masjid Jamek on every Friday ! I did all these just to fit in cause I'm not a "mat salleh celup"or yang perasaan they are. That is why I was kinda the " perasan diva" masa mula-mula kat STF. Terbawak-bawak perangai SBU ke STF. And thank God! Eventhough STF was quite a living hell too, but still... I learn a lot about "real world" from there.


Yeah. I know. I had some serious self-esteem problem back then.


So..I'm afraid that if I add her, then we'll be hanging out again, and I have to do what I do best all over again ! I mean..last time I saw FO was in 2007 at the prom and trust me...I was the first person to leave the event that night. I was not comfortable having to impress everyone. But..FO was different than the others. She's less judgemental...or not. But when it comes to being real, she gets it. Haih... I just don't wanna look back.






ngeng.

Just another plain mind.

Buntu. Hilang idea. Mati akal.



Tak tahu apa lagi yang boleh dicoretkan lagi. Haha, cakap macam semua sudah aku sentuh. Haish. Sejak mula cuti semester dan hanya duduk di rumah, otak aku seperti tidak berkembang. Biasanya, di dalam perjalanan ku ke kelas, ke kiri ke kanan mata ku menjeling. Bukan mencuci mata melihat jejaka-jejaka yang turut melangkah ke kelas, tetapi melihat suasana sekeliling yang walau hari-harinya seakan sama, tetapi jika diperhatikan betul-betul, ada kelainannya. Dan aku suka berfikir, memberi justifikasi dalam diri dari keadaan sekeliling yang menjadi potret kehidupan.



Tapi kali ini aku buntu. Tiada kata mahu dibicara. Hanya dinding-dinding kamar aku tenung hari-hari. Mungkin benar mereka yang banyak pengalaman adalah mereka yang banyak merantau. Macam-macam yang dapat mereka lihat, yang dapat mereka alami, yang dapat mereka bandingkan dan yang dapat mereka selami pemahamannya. Jealousnya ! Untung jadi mereka. Tapi aku tetap bersyukur menjadi aku. Banyak lagi yang perlu aku pelajari dan baiki.




p/s: Dah mula merepek ni.




ngeng.

Friday, May 14, 2010

My May.

Life is so plain for me right now. Still, I have a lot to be thankful for. Now that Dayang and me are totally okay, everything is starting to be at the right place again. We've talked things through and I realised how stupid I was to let stupid things get between us. And plus, Diane is coming back this June (can't wait !) and we've planned so many things with Amal and Anese. My relationship with Apa is getting better and better as he is now learning to understand things and how to control his temper. Families are great and we might be having our next vaca soon!! Though sound so plain...but it's better than nothing aite ?




Herm...My May might be better than my April...I hope so.




ngeng.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

I'm not angry. I just miss you.

My friend called and told me about your post. So for the first since 3weeks I guess...aku bukak blog kau. And here it goes...


Stay. Don't leave. You'll break his heart. Is that what you want ? To let him feel what you have felt before when you broke up with his bestfriend ? You know how it hurts. Though he is the-chill-type-of-guy...but the way he kept telling me how he love you, didn't give much evidence to say that he'll be okay if you end it.


What Wan and I said that we are okay with it, as in..we are okay if you guys wanna be together officially..cause Wan told me that you guys are waiting for our greenlight to move further. I have no problem with that. Yes I am worried of those possibilities that I have stated in my previous post, but still, it's not an excuse for me to not be okay if you guys wanna be together. What I am not okay is the fact that you betray my trust I gave you. Don't you understand ? Yes I'm definitely okay and happy if you guys wanna be together. But I'm not okay that you actually took something from me. Something. Not someone. However, I hope...and I pray hard..that we'll be okay again one day...Cause I really, honestly miss you so fucking damn much. I miss your sarcasm, I miss your advises, I miss your laugh, I miss when you are like perasan lagi hot than aku, (haha), I miss when kita berebut siapa lagi comel, I miss the cute little face I see when you are crying (cause your eyes are like little diamonds when you're crying so it's like sailormoon-cartoon-eyes), I miss gossiping about you-know-who( but now not anymore), I miss nak perasaan kita ni hotsetap UIA which clearly we are not, I miss nak usha jejaka "I" with you and then blushing2 sampai pipi nampak mcm pakai blusher, I miss nak gi jalan all the way from our block to Teabox for dinner, I miss texting you everytime I am down about all the stupid guys in my life, I miss calling you and just scream histerically cause I just had a fight with my boyfie, I miss when you can finish my sentence or just understand what I wanna say without saying it, and above all, I miss karaoking with you. That's the best part. I really miss you. I do. Hope I can just put down my ego and stash away my emotional senses so that I can actually put all this behind us and be bestfriends again. Haih...why are we like two couples just breaking up ni ???


As to karma...eventhough you try to return back what you took or did, the karma is still on. I mean the fact that you did it that makes it a karma. Not what you do after that, I think. It's okay..do you know that you are my karma ? I did the same thing (or maybe worse) to my own sister about a year-and-a-half ago. I think you know the story. Of course you do. However, I am not wishing that karma happens to you. I'm not that cruel.




I wish you all the happiness in the world that you deserve.




ngeng.

Dayang,it took me a while to post this.

Babe. The truth is..it's not that I don't want us to be friends again or be like how we used to be. Infact, to tell you the truth, I really don't know what I want. For a second, it might be this. But in a minute, it might be that. I'm not even sure what I feel about all this.


Angry ? Betrayed ? Jealous ? I really don't know. I think that is why I am so messed up. I'm really sorry if you feel like I'm holding you back from being happy and all lovey dovey about your life. It's not that I don't want you to be happy. It's just that everytime I read your blog, it kills me. Of the fact that you got him and I don't or reminds me of your betrayal, I don't know. You see ? I really don't know. But please don't feel like... as if you have to obey to my every needs. NO.


I once said that "this is not about him"...I might be just saying it. The truth is...this might be about him actually. I'm afraid of losing a great friend like him. I'm afraid that things will change and, him and I won't be like before. I am so happy and is always laughing with him around. He's my happy pills. He's there when everybody is not. He knows me well. He knows how to make me laugh and stop me from crying. He knows how to cool me down. He knows what to do when I'm lost. He has always been there for me. And I'm afraid if things go wrong, not like we want it to be, then I'll lose him. I'm not afraid of losing you cause I know I will always have you.


But why I say this ? Because


A) Love is the most powerful thing in this world. Or so I've been told. When two people are in love, deeply in love, they will feel that this world belong to them that they don't want anybody in it. When two people are in love, like crazy in love, they will feel as if there is only the two of them in this world. I know cause I've felt it before. And that is when things might go wrong because, you might want him only for you. Nanti when little things like he text me everyday, or you guys are on the phone but then tetibe ada waiting call and so happens that person is me, andai kata he hung up on you and take my call, sure you will be like...WTF right ? Or any other little things. And eventually you will feel like we are flirting whereas we are only friends. Then you tak puas hati which technically means, you might want me to be left off and he, who loves you so fucking damn much, is willing to do for you. And I will lose him as a friend. I don't want that or anything likewise to happen.


You might say that "I will not be like that cause I'm not the crazy-jealousy type". Trust me, when people are soooo in love, crazy-jealousy might actually take place. You are his first love. And he might be yours too (cause when you were with his bestfriend, things did not go so well even when you guys were still together, so you might not feel the sensutual feeling of love yet). So the chance for you guys to be like really-crazy-in-love is like 101% !! Deny all you want...I'm just saying...I'm not ready to take the risk. And I don't think I'll ever be.


and B) IF (i'm bolding the word) you guys do not work out, do you know what I imagine might happen ? If break cara baik, takpe. There won't be any problem. But andai kata break cara tak berapa nak baik...like you and Wan..I'm afraid I will lose both of you. What if I'm more nice to him ? You might think that I'm on his side. Then nanti jadi gaduh or selisih faham like Wan and me a few weeks ago. And if I'm more nice to you, he might think that I'm on your side...(but then I think he'll just chill) Still...the bottom line is...I don't want to risk any of it.


Hatim cakap kadang-kadang aku ni kalau terlebih pandai tak boleh jugak. Macam-macam aku pikir..Well Hatim...terlebih pandai kadang-kadang perlu jugak. I'm just trying to avoid drama. Cause seriously. I'm fucking tired of it.


The bottom line is...yes we are still friends. But you killed the trust I had in you. And it will take like...I don't know how long for me to trust you back. I trust people easily but once they kill it, I will never trust them again. But in your case, only time can tell if I can ever trust you again. And as long as I can't trust you anymore, we will never be like how we used to be.


Do not end with him unless if you don't love him. But I know you do, so stay. Cause if you think by being away from him might heal us, then you are wrong. It won't change anything. It won't give back the trust you've betrayed. You will only make things worse. I know I might be cruel. But you see, that's the price you have to pay. Cause having your heart broken by your own bestfriend, is far away more cruel.



p/s: I believe in karma. And I believe this is not yet your karma.






ngeng.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Tag from Akmar.

1) Apa yang anda akan buat bila anda dapat tahu membe anda tikam belakang anda ?

How I wish I can feel nothing about it. Maybe we can still be friends but it might not be like how we used to be. Cause I'll definitely will not trust that person ever again.


2) 6 orang dihati anda ?

- My mom
- My dad
- My siblings
- Apa
- My 3 bestfriends


3) Anda rasa anda comel ?

Sometimes... bwahaha.


4) Single or taken ?

Haha. Masa tengah lepak dengan 6 other girls, Min penah tanya ni kat kitorang and everybody was like hesatating to answer. I guess people just still want to be in the market regardless what status they are. Haha.


5) Blog yang anda suka ?

Blog Fynn Jamal.


6) Adakah bilik anda kemas setiap hari ?

Depends on my mood. Haha


7) Lagu terakhir yang anda dengar ?

Use Somebody tapi versi acoustic Pixie Lott. Sedapp gile dia nyanyi.


8) Last teks msg ?

" K "..to Apa.


9) Last phone call ?

Petang tadi buat 3g dengan Apa sebab Zafran ada.


10) Hari terakhir anda menangis ?

Last two days I guess. I cried a lot these days. Soooo not me. Haih..


11) List 5 kaler favorite anda ?

- Green
- Brown
- Red
- Purple
- Pink fucshia

12) Orang terakhir anda ber- Ym ?

Anese.


13) Game paling anda suka ?

Game ? The only game that I play is Zuma kat handphone tu haa. Haha


14) Adakah anda peminat MCR ?

Nope. Tapi layan jela certain lagu dia.


15) Apa perasaan anda menjawab Tag ini ?

Heartless je.


16) Anda rasa tag ini best ?

I've done a better tag before. No offense to the creator of this tag.


17) Tag lagi kepada 10 orang

Sapa nak buat, silakan.




ngeng.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Mamat dub dub dub.


Abang lucu or tengok kat phone Apa..Bro Lou a.k.a Mohd Ikmal Hazizi. HAHAHAHA.
Apalah kau. Nama bukan main sedap tapi panggil Lou. Hoho. Ni haa aku dah boleh copy gambar kat Recharge (dia yang kat kiri sekali yang rambut macam busut semut tu ). Bodoh kau ni cakap left click. Padahal aku dah lama try tak boleh gak. Bila right click baru boleh. Pastu nak cakap aku yang budus. Dia yang bagi ajaran sesat. Taknak kalah pulak tu nak ckp left click gak ! HAHA.
Haa nah aku pampang kat satu dunia rambut kau DULU cane. Sekarang rambut ni dah takde. Dia dah botak sekarang. Tapi aku takde gambar rambut dia now ni sebab dia taknak tunjuk. Malu konon yela sex appeal dia dah takde. HAHA. Takpe. Tunggu nanti aku jumpa kau, aku amek gambar kepala kau banyak banyak post lagi kat blog aku bagi satu dunia tengok. Hoho.
Dah ahh kau. Nak publisiti murahan sangat kan ? Haa aku bagi. Amek lah ! Selagi takde bukti gambar kau ada time Steve Aoki gak, selagi tu aku tak caye. Kau nak tip top je keje kan ???
ngeng.

My body is no wonderland.

This is the reason why I hate having problems so much. Despite it give me headaches, I also gain weight ! Urgh. I have problems in handling my emotions. And when I can't handle my emotions, my body has to pay for the price.


I gain 3-fucking-kg for the past 2 months !


Teringat masa form 1 dulu, when I broke up with Syafiq. I was so frustrated and heartbroken that I ate a lot ! Like freaking a lot ! Nasi sampai 3 senduk full, tambah 2 kali. Ice-creams non-stop ! Everyday white Toblerone. And I did not exercise at all. I ate then straight to bed. At last, I gain 10-fucking-kg by the end of the year. Massive transformation !



So..can anybody tell me how to control my freaking emotion so that I can control my freaking weight ? I need therapy like A.S.A.P. I know. Someone did agree.




ngeng.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Cruelty to you. Karma to me.

"Aku tak peduli kau rapat dengan siapa. Aku tak peduli siapa geng kau. Aku tak peduli apa nama belakang kau. Aku peduli kalau kau cari pasal dengan kawan aku. I love her so much. So bila dia disakiti, aku turut terasa. "





I was a great friend to love you that much, wasn't I ? And if you are too, then why are you soo happy when I'm suffering ?



There, I said it. So don't text me asking "kau ok x" when you know I'm not. I am trying to pretend that everything's okay until you texted me asking a silly question and reminded me of things that I don't want to remember. I know you mean well. But a tip from me, when you wanna text a friend that you technically emotionally betray, don't ever remind her of the things that put you guys in a fight in the first place. There, I said it again. How I wish I am sorry.





ngeng.

Happy birthday sisters.




Happy birthday sisters. Both of you are 19 now. Long way to go. Still, many have both of you gone through. And I know it ain't easy. But I have faith in you guys. I know you'll make it through. And I will always be here whenever you guys need me...
Asma dear..now I know how you feel. I already got my karma. I'm sorry for hurting you. I really do...
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They used to be Peter and Jane.

Jessica's fine. She will be fine. Everytime she's weakening, she'll remember what Peter told her. No matter how painful it is to swallow, just act normal as if they are okay with it. So everytime she felt like crying, she'll fake a smile and pretended that she's fine.



But that is not what concerns her right now. What about Peter ? She knows he still loves her. Peter admit it himself. But it doesn't matter if Jane knew. She wouldn't believe it. Things will be more complicated as it is. So she keeps it quiet and everybody is happy. Everbody ? No, not Peter. Not Jessica.





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Home sweet home ?

Aish..it does feel good to be home. But when I think about it again, being home reminds me of all the problem I have. Vaca in Perhentian was damn fun and relaxing. Not a single problem ! Feels like in paradise. I hate it when reality hits back.



Here we go again. Heart, can you handle it this time ? Be strong yeah. *finger cross





p/s: Nak sangat bukak..tapi takut. Taknak hati sakit lagi.




ngeng.

Home sweet home.

It's good to be home. I'll update EVERYTHING later.






p/s: Nak pergi berurut.



ngeng.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Sudah jatuh ditimpa tangga.

Pelik. Bila Akmar, rakanku yang kini berada di Perak memohon maaf sekiranya dia ada berbuat salah pada aku sepanjang perkenalan kami. Aikk ? Kami ada bergaduh kah ? Setahu aku mungkin aku ada konflik dengan yang lain, tapi rasa nya Akmar tidak terlibat. Dia terasa samakah ?


Ohh tidak. Dapat seru katanya. Dia kini sudah berubah menjadi wanita solehah disisi agama. Tidak lagi mahu mengguris mana-mana hati. Tidak lagi mahu berbuat jahat pada sekalian alam. Kitab sudah rajin dikunjung dan dibaca saban hari. Solat 5 waktu tidak ditinggalkan. Mahu memulakan kehidupan yang baru dan tidak mahu pandang ke belakang lagi.


Bangga sungguh aku dgn rakanku ini. Terasa ingin menitis air mata kegembiraan mendengar dia seolah-olah mendapat hidayah dari Yang Esa. Sekilas aku teringat peristiwa yang berlaku pada ku beberapa hari yang lepas.


Ketika itu di rumah Along. Aku sedang bersiap-sedia untuk "house warming" rumah baru Along. Aku sedang iron baju. Mungkin aku cuai, baju aku rosak ada sedikit kesan terbakar tepat di bahagian dada. Argh !! Sakitnya hati. Dah lah baju baru. Boleh dikira dengan jari berapa kali aku pakai. Aku segera berlari ke dapur menuju ke arah Umi. Aku tunjukkan kerosakan pada baju ku. Ketika itu ramai saudara dan makcik-makcik ku di dapur sedang berbual-bual. Semua mendengar rintihan aku tatkala aku merengek.


Mak Unggal menerpa dan melihat kerosakan pada baju ku yang terdapat lubang kesan terbakar di bahagian dada..

" Ohh sikit je ni Ija. Takpe..pakai tudung tak nampak. Tertutup je nanti. "


Sambung pula makcik-makcik ku yang lain...


"Lah sikit je. Pakai tudung tak nampak lah apa isi dalam"


Aku hanya tersengih seperti kerang busuk. Ukiran senyuman di bibir aku paksakan. Umi hanya ketawa sinis.


"Haa tu petunjuk tu Ija. Kalau tak paham jugak taktau lah Umi nak cakap apa lg"



Yea. Akan ku litupi rambut ku ini dengan hijab...suatu hari nanti. Doakan hidayah untuk aku.





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Maybe I said too much. I'm sorry.

Shit. Things just get uglier and uglier. My last post wasn't meant for him to read. I know the title had his name on it. But it was just the metaforic of it ! How on earth he'd found my blog ? I know he knew about the post yang buat dia terasa but I didn't thought that he actually knew my blog. I thought somebody told him about the post !





I'm sorry. This was never my stand to say anything. I'll change the title.









p/s: I'm thinking of changing my URL or just pvt it. Oh no. Here we go again.









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You win. Congrats !

I have to stop reading your blog and your status. Each time you post something about him, it kills me. This time..it buried me alive, deep down to the grave. I have a lot to say. Millions of it that could not be described with words. I have to disfollowed your blog and delete it from my list. It just kills me to read your blog.


He said he'll wait. You said one day. I know that one day is soon. Too soon too even notice. And I know you very well. You like to express every single detail of what you are feeling. Like when you were with his bestfriend, you wrote every single thing he did, what he said to you, all the sweet stuffs you guys have. Every post of it is all just about that. You can make things sound too good too be true. And I know..when you and him are together one day, you will do the exact same thing. You will be all lovey dovey about the two of you.


And honestly, I dont think I can handle it.


I might be okay to the thought of you guys being together. But I don't think I can handle all the details of it. It kills me. I repeat, it kills me. And I won't lie, I do mind.


I once asked him, if he confessed to his bestfriend about you guys, and if his bestfriend said yes he mind and is not okay with it, what will he do ? He said he's fine with it and will just move on because, let me qoute back his answers,


"kawan lagi penting dari awek. Awek boleh cari. Takkan nak hilang kawan sbb awek kan ?"


I agreed. And I'm wondering..if I said I do mind and not okay with it too, will you do the same thing ? Or it just don't matter to you that I actually mind ?


Ouh wtf ! Ada apa dengan nama ? You guys are already in love. 300 millions time eah ? Being official doesn't make any difference right ?


Please do not reply to this post. Cause I won't be reading it. Shit. Time heals everything. Give me time to heal. I know it's annoying when people menyibuk-nyibuk and you rasa tak bebas nak tulis pape in your own blog. I know, and I'm sorry. But don't worry, from now on, you can write anything you want. Please don't be bothered by me.



Hope you're happy. :)



I guess you got what you asked for Wan. You wanted your bestfriend to be with your ex cause you know he'll take a great care of her. Well. you got what you wished for. You guys always win. And I will always lose. Damn.




ngeng.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Self-conscious.













Main point uploading these photos : Ayah dah bising my kening getting thinner and thinner each time he sees me.

Why took all these photos of myself this way : Saje tengah bajet bajet konon aku ayu pakai baju kurung so aku berangan cam bila orang tengok, akan jatuh hati lah... haha !

Location : Kat wardrobe rumah baru Along cause kat situ lighting gila babi terang membuatkan aku sgt photogenic. haha !

Moral of the story : Yea Phye seorang yang self-conscious kadang kadang. HAHA !

ngeng.