Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Kehabisan shortsem.

Shortsem dah nak habes! Benci! How am I going to survive nanti? I'm used to be around with you all the time. Now that everything's changing, can I get myself used to it? Haish.

p/s: RISAU!!


Sunday, April 19, 2009

Bad day for him.

HAHA. Yesterday was a really bad day for Apa. Financially taknak ckp lah. Biar lah kitorang je tahu. But yesterday ade soccer match between Negeri Sembilan and Kelantan. Sayangku nie dah semangat nak pergi tgk kat stadium. Tapi malang nye Negeri Sembilan kalah. Mmg bg die bad mood gile. Apa nie mmg tak bole if team yg die sokong kalah. Nanti mesti mengamuk or takde mood. Dah tahu sgt dah. If tgk bola sama- sama and if our team lost, dalam kete I will just keep quiet and iyekan jea ape die cakap. I'll watch my tounge so that tak tersalah cakap. Kang naya World War 3.

And so..die balek dgn kecewa. Later that, late at night die lepak kedai with his friends to watch a match between Chelsea and Arsenal. Apa nie Liverpookeyrians like me. Tak sokong Chelsea. But unfortunately..Chelsea won. Lagilah kasi die takde mood. Ouh..mmg langsi lah cakap. Balek balek pulak kitorang gadoh. Haish. At first okay jea. But somehow over little things yg mmg buat sempit hati sangat, gadoh. So..sangat kesian kat die lately nie. Naseb die mmg malang. Sayang sabar okay. I see you on Monday and we'll work something out okay.

Seriously..I pity him for having a really bad day. Well, all of us penah gone through this kind of shit. Like he always said..."hidup nie macam roda. Kadang kadang kite kat atas. Kadang kadang kite kat bawah" Herm. We never see it coming. Just be prepared.


Sunday, April 12, 2009

Sangap asap!!

Gile sangap rokok sekarang. Anybody ada Pall Mall menthol or Dunhill?

p/s: Sampoerna pon jadi lahh.


I miss them. :((

I dreamt of the twins yesterday. I drop my tears. In my sleep.
I miss them so much.


Gigiku tidak bergosok malam ini dan pagi esok.

Okay. Don't get disgust by the title people. Apa yang suruh buat title macam tue. Huhu.Gilak itu orang.

Well yesterday as I got back to Nilai, mase tengah unpack my stuff, I realise I left my toohbrush back at home. Haish. Menyesal bawak balek toiletrist. I have two toothbrushes but I left them both kat rumah. So, technically, I have no toothbrush! Nak pergi kedai beli dah tutup. Curfew kat sini around 10 dah kena clear sume. Then, I was thinking, utk menjimatkan gak my money, I asked Apa wether he has an extra toothbrush or not. And since I'm seeing him today, nak dia bawak lah.

I told him about this and tu yang dia cakap.. "sedih. Tulis dalam blog okay sayang? Buat tajuk, "gigiku tida bergosok malam ini dan pagi esok" haha"...Jahat dia tue. Herm. But no worries people. My roommate somehow happens to have a listerine. So dah mintak sikit. Takde toothbrush takpe. I kumur kumur dgn listerine jer. Huhu. So my breath is not busuk pon. And my teeth are amazingly clean. Hehe.

p/s: Kau tak kiss aku nanti siap kau. Hehe.


Saturday, April 11, 2009

Miss Si Psycho freak nie. :))

Miss this biatch so much. My bestfriend back when I was in matrix. We were the only ones yang tak pakai tudung dalam kuliah kitorang. We were in H1. Sangat gile ini minah. Petang petang selalu jogging dgn die round satu matrix (I lost 5kg okay!! Hehe)..if tak jogging..lepak Cafe C makan laksa yang kdg kdg sedap, kdg kdg tawar. Suke mintak kuah lebih. HAHA. Selalu ade problem with her on-off so-called-boyfriend. Pernah buat satu tindakan drastik yg sangat bodoh! You scared me girl. Terkejar kejar ke hospital. Don't you ever swallowed those with cokes anymore. And take less than two!! She's the only one yg satu kepala with me else than Milah and Iera Snow. Miss gile minah ni. I just saw her latest pic. Her hair dah panjang!!! Cuti nih nak keluar lah dgn die. Huhu. Miss kau lah Jiha gile!!


Pembaziran tak tentu.

My mom is currently watching Akademi Fantasia 7 which leaves me no choice than membusy kan diri dengan online. My days of actually watching AF are soooo over man! Haha. Can't believe people are still watching the show. I mean where's the end of it? Where does it lead too?

Dorang konon belajar hempas pulas..tersingkir..pastu keluar, ramai yang tak kemane pon. Herm. The best part, the stupidest part, sanggup habes beratus-ratus just to vote for them. If menang, okay..agak worth it la (tapi sbenanye tak langsung pon)..tapi for those yang tak menang?? Tak ke membazer gila babun? Ada eloknye dorang bagi kat mana mana persatuan yang sangat memerlukan dana. Tak pun derma kat rumah anak yatim ke ape. Dapat pahala. Ni membazer pada entah pape. Dapat dosa atas kesalahan membazir!

Acehh. Cakap macam pandai sangat. Macam baik sangat. Haha. Tapi betul lah kan?? Nak minat artis or selebriti ke ape, tak salah. Even I, myself pon minat gile babi kat Aizat AF5 tue. Tapi sampai tahap nak habis duit untuk undi dia memang tak dapek lahh. Huhu.

Herm. Renung renung kan. Selamat beramal. HAHA. :))


Miss the twins so fucking damn much.

Me misses both of you. Me misses us.
I'm sorry. I really do.
I'm wrong. I'm guilty.
I destroy everything.
Punish me all you want.
I just miss us so much.
I'm damn sorry.

It's not the CHEMISTRY. It's the TIMING.

I was watching Grey's Anatomy season 4 disc 3 for the 100th times just now. Season 4 is the part where George O'malley cheated on his wife, Callie Torres with his bestfriend, Izzie Stevens. O'malley and Torres ended their marriage due to it. Torres was hurt badly. She's divorced and to top that, she was demoted from being Chief Resident which then was given to Miranda Bailey (adore her character so much! girl power!!)..It was like the end of the world for her. But luckily she and Erica Hahn became bestfriends where they end up kissing at the last episode of this season...(lesbians on the way in GA)!!

Back to my main point. About O'malley and Stevens. After his divorced with Torres, he and Stevens proceeded with their love affair. It's the new thing in Seattle Grace Hospital. Everyone's talking about it. Steven took O'malley from Torres..bla bla bla..after a while..things between them were just not right. There was always something wrong. Either in bed, circle of friends, understanding and everything..just not right. It's weird though cause when they were friends, everything was perfect. They were like BFF. Then, they thought, it must be the chemistry. Maybe they were not fit to be couples. Maybe they just didn't have the chemistry. That's what they thought.

Until one day, O'malley said to her.."I think it's not about the chemistry. I think it's about the timing"..Then Stevens said "'re saying..maybe someday?"..They figured it out. It's not about the chemistry. It's about the timing. They were perfect for each other. The only thing that cause all the flaws was the timing. They should have wait a little longer. When everything is not as chaotic as now. When everything's around them are not in a mess. They called it quits. For a moment. Until the time is right.

I reflects exactly the situation between me and Apa. I mean..we both were with someone else when we fell in love (or what we thought is love)..and we left them so that we can be together. At first, things were perfect for us. Eventhough they were some people who disagree with us being together but still..we were happy. Until everything slowly to fall apart. I used to think it was because the chemistry too. Maybe me and Apa didn't have the chemistry. But then, when I watched GA just now..I think yeah..maybe it's not the chemistry. Maybe it's the timing. Chemistry can be built. The timing that puts it at the right place.

So, I don't know wether to put us on hold or what. I don't know wether the "maybe someday" is the solution to our problem. But what I know..our timing is not right. We should have waited a little longer. When things between him and his ex..when things about his ex are settled and cooled down. I should have realise it earlier. Didn't see it coming. Huh.

But we just made an intervention. A bit of innovation to our relationship. So far it's working slowly. Hope it ends well. :))

Maybe this kind of thing happens in your relationship. Sit back and think. Maybe it's not about your chemistry. Maybe it's the timing. Or some other reasons. Cause chemistry can be built.


Tuesday, April 7, 2009

It's too late to regret.

I've heard the sayings "love means letting go" but I never really understand the meaning. If you love someone, why let go?

I wish, I can turn back time. Undo what I did. My life wasn't so bad before. Just need some changes. But not this so drastic changes. I can't adjust myself to the environment yet. I miss my old life. I really miss them.

I learned my lessons. Never too quickly jump to a conclusion. Everything we do needs a wise thinking before actually making a decision. Sometimes. life can be fair and can be so unfair. I have everything I dreamed for but I blew it away. I had my happiness but I let them slipped away. I had the life I imagined but I crushed it in a second. I had someone who loved me so much but I waste her away.

I made this. I'm living with what's left of me. Trying to make it right everytime it goes wrong. But I'm tired. So tired that I don't know what else is coming.

People, when you found something that you think is what you've been searching for, think twice or you'll end up like me. You never know what's infront of you until it's gone.


Communications between male and female needs to be..what exactly?

Communication between a woman and a man. They can never understand each other. That's what I learn in Linguistic. My favourite subject. So, if their communication can never get along, how can they live happily forever? How can I live happily? Or I should forever be a lesbian just to get my happiness? That's a sensitive issue. Will I be happy if I'm a lesbian?

p/s: A lady deserves to be treated like a lady. Girlfiriends are not your friends.


Selamat mentua daddy cool.

8th April. My daddy's bitrhday. Happy 52 birthday ayah. Sorry for all the trouble I've caused you. As you said, "ayah dah buntu tak tahu mcm mane nak buat dgn Ija"...I know I'm a trouble maker. Sorry pa. Didn't mean to hurt you in any way. Ija and Apa wish you semoga panjang umur dan murah rezeki. Take care. I love you a lot.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Losing my grip.

Manusia tamak. Tidak pernah puas dengan apa yang ada. Dan tidak pernah sedar apa yang mereka ada.
Tidak pernah sedar dengan ape yang terhidang di depan mata.
Sehinggalah hilang..baru rasa, baru sedar, baru tahu betapa bermakna nya apa yang mereka pernah ada.
Tidak semua yang hilang akan kembali atau berganti seperti dengan ape yang hilang.
Mungkin ada yang lagi baik. Jauh baik nya dgn yang telah hilang.
Tapi jika tidak, bagaimana pula?
Boleh kah manusia menyesuaikan diri dengan pembaharuan yang berlaku?? Apatah lagi jika ia terlalu mendadak.
Bagaimana mahu berjuang utk terus hidup?? Mampukah manusia mengharungi cabaran sedemikian??

Aku tidak. Tapi sedang belajar. Belajar mengharungi segala onak duri dalam hidup.
Kehilangan sesuatu berharga tanpa kerelaan hati, bukan sesuatu yang mudah utk diterima.
Sedih aku sendiri. Pedih aku rasai. Cuba menghadapi kenyataan yang amat perit.
Kehadiran yang baru..mungkin boleh mengubati.
Atau menambah lagi seksaan yang ditanggung.
Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, bantu aku harungi segala dugaan dan ujian dari Mu. Aku insan, hambaMu yang lemah yang hanye mampu berdoa dan berserah padaMu Ya Tuhan.

p/s: Sumpah tengah sentimental gile nie. Arggh!!!


Friday, April 3, 2009

Need some opinion from today's generations.

Hendak bertanya pada mereka yang ada otak dan akal fikiran yang boleh berfikir dengan waras dan bijaksana..

Is it wrong berclubbing??

Free sex, alcohol and drugs tolak tepi. Itu sah sah lahh memang salah.

Clubbing sahaja. Going out late at night, having fun with your friends or boyfriend, just dancing around, mixing with other people. Is it wrong??

Cara orang berpakaian pergi clubbing tak boleh jadi isu dalam salah atau tidak. Sebab, walaupun tak pergi clubbing, di luar, ketika shopping atau dating, pakaian mereka tetap seksi. Mungkin terlebih, mungkin tidak. So macam tak relevan soal pemakaian dalam persoalan salahkah berclubbing?

Jadi, tolong komen. Pada bloggers or outsiders. Berikan pendapat anda.

p/s: If salah, knp tidak kerajaan haramkan sahaja clubbing? Atau sekurang-kurang nye haramkan pada yg Melayu.


Let me love you. Not scared of you.

I've tried to change for you. I let you rule. I let you decide. I let you to be angry. I let you to talk.
I just keep quiet. Put my ego down. Keep my thoughts away. Act calm.
I did my best to change. And you know I did. You admitted once. I was proud and determined to stay that way.
But you didn't let me. Cause you keep on with your new behaviour. You enjoy being on the throne. You forget about being a human being for a moment.
Where is the person that would do anything for me? For the one he loves? Or you just don't love me anymore?
Where is the person who continuosly take my breath away??
Where is the person who always let me go first??
Where is the person who always tolerates??
I know you don't care. But I'm a lady. Treat me like a lady.
I'm changing for you. Like you wanted me too. Sorry if I failed.
Just..if you could be like the one I first met, or even a slight of him, it would be great and a lot easier for the both of us. I love you. And I'm looking forward to have a future with you. So, make this one work. Please. One step at a time.


What's left of me.

Up until now..I'm still living with what's left of me.
I can't let go of everything. I'm admitting.
But I'm sure you already know.
Cause you know me so well.
And because of that, "you" still lingers around in me.
Tell me, how can I go through a day without having you in my mind.
How can I move on if you haven't??
I hate the thought of you still loving me but not wanting me.
I hate the thought of you thinking of me but acting as if you are happy without me.
I hate the thought of you can pretend that it's gonna be fine when it will not!!
Teach me. I need to learn how.
I miss you. Always.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Benci hidup canie!!

Eveything is falling apart one by one. Malas nak cite. Banyak sangat. Malas nak update. Later lahh. Bye.