Monday, May 10, 2010

Happy birthday sisters.




Happy birthday sisters. Both of you are 19 now. Long way to go. Still, many have both of you gone through. And I know it ain't easy. But I have faith in you guys. I know you'll make it through. And I will always be here whenever you guys need me...
Asma dear..now I know how you feel. I already got my karma. I'm sorry for hurting you. I really do...
ngeng.

They used to be Peter and Jane.

Jessica's fine. She will be fine. Everytime she's weakening, she'll remember what Peter told her. No matter how painful it is to swallow, just act normal as if they are okay with it. So everytime she felt like crying, she'll fake a smile and pretended that she's fine.



But that is not what concerns her right now. What about Peter ? She knows he still loves her. Peter admit it himself. But it doesn't matter if Jane knew. She wouldn't believe it. Things will be more complicated as it is. So she keeps it quiet and everybody is happy. Everbody ? No, not Peter. Not Jessica.





ngeng.

Home sweet home ?

Aish..it does feel good to be home. But when I think about it again, being home reminds me of all the problem I have. Vaca in Perhentian was damn fun and relaxing. Not a single problem ! Feels like in paradise. I hate it when reality hits back.



Here we go again. Heart, can you handle it this time ? Be strong yeah. *finger cross





p/s: Nak sangat bukak..tapi takut. Taknak hati sakit lagi.




ngeng.

Home sweet home.

It's good to be home. I'll update EVERYTHING later.






p/s: Nak pergi berurut.



ngeng.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Sudah jatuh ditimpa tangga.

Pelik. Bila Akmar, rakanku yang kini berada di Perak memohon maaf sekiranya dia ada berbuat salah pada aku sepanjang perkenalan kami. Aikk ? Kami ada bergaduh kah ? Setahu aku mungkin aku ada konflik dengan yang lain, tapi rasa nya Akmar tidak terlibat. Dia terasa samakah ?


Ohh tidak. Dapat seru katanya. Dia kini sudah berubah menjadi wanita solehah disisi agama. Tidak lagi mahu mengguris mana-mana hati. Tidak lagi mahu berbuat jahat pada sekalian alam. Kitab sudah rajin dikunjung dan dibaca saban hari. Solat 5 waktu tidak ditinggalkan. Mahu memulakan kehidupan yang baru dan tidak mahu pandang ke belakang lagi.


Bangga sungguh aku dgn rakanku ini. Terasa ingin menitis air mata kegembiraan mendengar dia seolah-olah mendapat hidayah dari Yang Esa. Sekilas aku teringat peristiwa yang berlaku pada ku beberapa hari yang lepas.


Ketika itu di rumah Along. Aku sedang bersiap-sedia untuk "house warming" rumah baru Along. Aku sedang iron baju. Mungkin aku cuai, baju aku rosak ada sedikit kesan terbakar tepat di bahagian dada. Argh !! Sakitnya hati. Dah lah baju baru. Boleh dikira dengan jari berapa kali aku pakai. Aku segera berlari ke dapur menuju ke arah Umi. Aku tunjukkan kerosakan pada baju ku. Ketika itu ramai saudara dan makcik-makcik ku di dapur sedang berbual-bual. Semua mendengar rintihan aku tatkala aku merengek.


Mak Unggal menerpa dan melihat kerosakan pada baju ku yang terdapat lubang kesan terbakar di bahagian dada..

" Ohh sikit je ni Ija. Takpe..pakai tudung tak nampak. Tertutup je nanti. "


Sambung pula makcik-makcik ku yang lain...


"Lah sikit je. Pakai tudung tak nampak lah apa isi dalam"


Aku hanya tersengih seperti kerang busuk. Ukiran senyuman di bibir aku paksakan. Umi hanya ketawa sinis.


"Haa tu petunjuk tu Ija. Kalau tak paham jugak taktau lah Umi nak cakap apa lg"



Yea. Akan ku litupi rambut ku ini dengan hijab...suatu hari nanti. Doakan hidayah untuk aku.





ngeng.

Maybe I said too much. I'm sorry.

Shit. Things just get uglier and uglier. My last post wasn't meant for him to read. I know the title had his name on it. But it was just the metaforic of it ! How on earth he'd found my blog ? I know he knew about the post yang buat dia terasa but I didn't thought that he actually knew my blog. I thought somebody told him about the post !





I'm sorry. This was never my stand to say anything. I'll change the title.









p/s: I'm thinking of changing my URL or just pvt it. Oh no. Here we go again.









ngeng.

You win. Congrats !

I have to stop reading your blog and your status. Each time you post something about him, it kills me. This time..it buried me alive, deep down to the grave. I have a lot to say. Millions of it that could not be described with words. I have to disfollowed your blog and delete it from my list. It just kills me to read your blog.


He said he'll wait. You said one day. I know that one day is soon. Too soon too even notice. And I know you very well. You like to express every single detail of what you are feeling. Like when you were with his bestfriend, you wrote every single thing he did, what he said to you, all the sweet stuffs you guys have. Every post of it is all just about that. You can make things sound too good too be true. And I know..when you and him are together one day, you will do the exact same thing. You will be all lovey dovey about the two of you.


And honestly, I dont think I can handle it.


I might be okay to the thought of you guys being together. But I don't think I can handle all the details of it. It kills me. I repeat, it kills me. And I won't lie, I do mind.


I once asked him, if he confessed to his bestfriend about you guys, and if his bestfriend said yes he mind and is not okay with it, what will he do ? He said he's fine with it and will just move on because, let me qoute back his answers,


"kawan lagi penting dari awek. Awek boleh cari. Takkan nak hilang kawan sbb awek kan ?"


I agreed. And I'm wondering..if I said I do mind and not okay with it too, will you do the same thing ? Or it just don't matter to you that I actually mind ?


Ouh wtf ! Ada apa dengan nama ? You guys are already in love. 300 millions time eah ? Being official doesn't make any difference right ?


Please do not reply to this post. Cause I won't be reading it. Shit. Time heals everything. Give me time to heal. I know it's annoying when people menyibuk-nyibuk and you rasa tak bebas nak tulis pape in your own blog. I know, and I'm sorry. But don't worry, from now on, you can write anything you want. Please don't be bothered by me.



Hope you're happy. :)



I guess you got what you asked for Wan. You wanted your bestfriend to be with your ex cause you know he'll take a great care of her. Well. you got what you wished for. You guys always win. And I will always lose. Damn.




ngeng.