Haish. Life in UIA is really stressing me out. I learn in sociology today that social is very important. Emile Durkheim..a French philosopher (and it's a he yea)..he studied social solidarity, anomie and suicide. He studied why people suicide and in conclusion..to reduce suicide, we need to have social solidarity. And since I'm in UIA, the only one thing I'm lack is SOCIALIZING!! Seriously. I don't know wether its me or student UIA ni yang bangang. I literally have any friends here. I don't really socialize around here. I go to class alone. I eat my lunch alone. I study alone. I do everything alone!! I survive here without any help from anybody. (wow.unbelieveable) I don't know lahh. I'm sure not all UIAans are like typical UIAans.. but why do I have problems finding friends here? Do I expect too much?
I'm nice here. I'm not arrogant as I used to be. I greet everyone and they greet me too. I say "hi" they say "hello". Urgh. Maybe I expect too much. I used to have friends that is kinda like me too. They were two k.nana, Nad, Aish, Apek, K.kechik and all that. We used to have fun together. But now dorang semua dah takde. Semua dah pergi Gombak (they are all my senior)..I'm friendly. Seriously. I'm nice to peeple. That's why I don't get it why I'm alone here. Everybody is nice to me too. Like just now, Shasha invited me to the library to study together. But I said i'm just gonna go back to my room. I saw Mariam and I greeted her and she was asking questions about how am I doing and all that. But I just walked away from her..while talking too! It's like..she wanted to have a chat but it seems as if I was in a hurry. Where I wasn't actually doing anything!
Do I forget how to communicate with others? Sometimes..There are girls asking me to join them eating and all that. It's just..sometimes..I prefer my moment alone. Kadang kadang..bila dah too close..people tend to want to do everything together. Well, I'm a person who sometimes..want my privacy. Not everything, not every single moment I nak be with someone. I just want to have a teman during my way to classes, while I'm having lunch or dinner and most importantly..someone I can gossip with. I don't have that here. UIA is not like STF. I prefer being in STF eventhough I hate school so much. No..I hate the teachers and the rules so much. Not the school. I have lots of friends in STF. I don't have any problem finding teman there.
Now that I don't have anybody..Apa is the one who has to bare it all. He comes here a lot. To teman me sometimes. And everytime jumpa..I'll talk non-stop. He'll just drive and listen to me and just chuckles everytime he has the chance. He comes here often until I am labled as "the girl from satria car"!! HAHA. K-d told me that. HAHA. Ohh..FYI, students here are real gossipers.
Though I have friends outside UIA..it' didn't help that much. Dyane is far. And so do others. I need someone close to me. And all I got now is Apa. And he's in Seremban. I'm in Nilai. Until when I have to depend on him??
Well. I 'm just trying to breathe here. Rescue in need. And fast. Or soon..what Emile Durkheim studied will come true to me..SUICIDE.!! Huh.
p/s: Thanks sayang. For your concern.