Thursday, January 14, 2010

Young and naive is my best gift.

I was looking at some of the old photos of me and my family I found just now. Those photos of me was hilarious. I had this ala ala Mullet hairdo yang macam Billy Ray Cyrus during his big hits. OMG! Memang sumpah buruk!! But still..I maintained my cuteness. Hee. Then there was this photo of me and the twins. We were at my late Atuk's fish pond. The whole big family went fishing that day. I love that photo. We were damn young and naive. Smiles were on our faces. We were so close and tight! I was standing in the middle between Asma and Asa. I was always in the middle when I'm with them. Cause that way I can be fair to both of them. During those days, both of them want me by their side. Dinner at the table, I was in the middle. In movies, I was in the middle. Sleepovers, I was in the middle. Fights (yang tak include me) I was in the middle. Now..I wish I can say the same..

Sometimes..I wish I can turn back time. Undo what I did and give the best out of me. But then..everytime people ask me.."if you can turn back time and undo your which part of your life that you want to change?"...I can't answer it. There'll be too many parts! My father asked me this question a few weeks ago. I answered the part where I betrayed Asma. Yeahh. I'm not saying that I regret I met Apa. No. I was blessed to be with him. It's just that....herm. I miss them. I miss the fun we used to have and the troubles we were into. Well well well. Lets not go there again.

Back to the photos. When I looked at myself in the photos..I almost cried. Not because of how cute I was!!! HAHA. But how innocent and naive I used to be. Along once said I was a good kid. Never troubled her that much. I wasn't a pain in the ass. Though I am a bit spoilt, but I was a nice kid. And a brilliant one too I might add. Hehe...I cried because..look how I turned out to be today. I don't hate myself..sometimes yeahh..but then..from a good kid to a bad person. I do a lot of sins..we all do but mine..some are unforgiven..and soon the most unforgiven one. I destroy many hearts. I hurt many feelings. I dissapoint many people..even myself. I betray many innocents. I kill everybody's trust!! I hate what I am today.

Masa kecik tak sabar nak besar. Nak keje. Nak ada rumah sendiri. Nak pakai mekap. Nak pakai kasut tumit tinggi. Nak ada boyfriend. Nak semua yang orang besar ada. Tapi masa kecik kita terlupa atau taktau yang orang besar ada satu benda yang akan lekat dengan dorang...masalahsss!! Bila dah besar, kita pulak rasa macam nak putar masa balik pergi ke zaman kanak kanak. Nak main kejar kejar depan rumah. Nak main mak mak dengan jiran jiran. Nak bangun pagi pagi pergi sekolah. Nak main mercun time raya. Nak dapat duit raya. Nak penuh puasa di bulan puasa. Nak dapat duit belanja hari hari. Walaupun kena marah dengan mak ayah pun takpe. Sanggup dari kena marah dengan bos. Sebab orang besar tahu yang walau naif macam mane pon masa kecik, dorang ada satu benda yang orang besar takde...masalahsss!!!
Memang kuat sungguh kuasa masalah ini yea? Boleh jadi gila kalau hari hari fikir.

Aku nak jadi muda balik!!!!!!!! Boleh?


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